things i learned about beauty

things i learned about beauty

paloma, curled up on our couch

1. turning your face too stubbornly away from your desire of beauty will lead to bad outcomes in terms of your capability to be present in your body, to be physical, to be sensual. try to avoid rejecting that desire altogether

2. beauty and attention are codependent things that feed into each other. the more you pay attention, the more beauty you will find. the more beauty you find, the more you will pay attention. sometimes being patient and gently observing is enough to see it everywhere around you, in everyone around you

3. wielding the power of beauty can be like a drug, especially for women. indulging in small doses is a good thing, and can make your life brighter, more interesting. but becoming over-reliant on it as a self-assertion tool will cause you to lose your connection to the world and to your own self. it is much too fickle to be reliable as an anchor. it’s okay to want or to need power. know that it comes at a cost, often to yourself. you are the most precious star, do not lose the child inside of you.

4. related to (3), if you actually want to have a tighter grasp on the world and on yourself, then you must build yourself into an undeniable castle that serves more than just aesthetic purpose. your knowledge, your wisdom, your goals, your achievements, your discipline, your determination, your taste - these are things that can help you dig your feet in just as much as your beauty will. or at least i think it will. i’ll have to revisit this opinion when i’m 50 lol

5. we are drawn to it like moths to a flame. it ignites desire, attention, and curiosity, a strange compulsion on our more primal machinery, no matter how we try to turn away from its impulse. however, know that such impulses are inherently transient. lean into the thrill of the moment, but you also do need more than just beauty if you want to connect with people more deeply. it’s what makes us mortal and what makes us animal that also makes us interesting and endlessly fascinating, that feeds the bond between two imperfect people.

6. you must accept that you desire it. it is one of the many spokes on the wheel of life and biology that makes humanity spin. beauty is all around us and beauty is good, and so it is only natural you will want to seek it in your own physical appearance

7. self-beautifying and preening is a lovely ritual, a grounding habit, a way to show yourself that you care and are willing to invest time in yourself. this will help with your self-image. it also doesn’t have to be the only thing in your toolkit; spending an hour practicing a discipline you care about, valuing your thoughts/feelings/ideas enough to journal them, and making yourself an elaborate meal are many other options to do the same. investment of your time and attentions on yourself will help you realize you are worth something.

8. beauty is a playground. there are so many ways a person or a thing can be beautiful! shape it to your liking. be curious. be experimental. try things that make your eyes sparkle and your heart race. some things i’ve done that have made me so excited to be myself every day:

   • dyeing my hair
   • wearing a new colour
   • changing my curtains
   • styling my clothes in ways they weren’t meant to be worn
   • drawing stars on my face
   • my friend makes her own mugs and they’re so beautiful and so individual
   • paint/sing/write/create beautiful things

i live in pursuit of beauty, and so far it has made for a very rich life.